Author: Kendall Unland

Personal

Intentional Conversations for Dating Christians

Kendall and I have a different story than a lot of people. Up to about 1 month ago, it has been a story full of text messages, facetimes, and intentional conversations. We knew our situation and understood it was going to be difficult, but wanted to do our best to make our time apart valuable. That’s where intentionality came in. Not just intentional with the time we tried to give each other, but also the topics of our conversations.

Defining: Intentional Conversation

Because Intentional conversations are… intentional, we wanted to give it an intentional meaning. These discussions are done on purpose and for a purpose. That means although we talked just about every night, we would set time aside later in the week to talk about a specific topic. Setting up a time and day later that same week was intentional and helpful for a few reasons. 

  1. It allowed us to pray and practice Psalm 139:23-24 which says, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
  2. It allowed us time to question and search ourselves
  3. It allowed us to do research so we can grow in our knowledge

When we came back together to have this conversation, we aimed to be honest with God, with ourselves, and with each other. Being transparent for success in the relationship. This would shed some light on how compatible we were. As more and more topics were discussed, we knew each other more and more. While we did have that initial attraction, we didn’t want to mess around. We dove into these conversations pretty quick to make sure this was even something that would work for a lifetime. It was during these talks we grew deeper and realized just about all of our core values were the same or very similar. 

What to Talk About

Conversations about values, goals, dreams were paramount in the early days of our relationship, even before we were “official”. Then taking these topics and breaking them down to why we have these views. 

In Kendall and I’s situation, these conversations included topics such as our relationship with God, family dynamics (present and dreams for the future), importance of community, schooling, future careers, the type of life we want to live. Our relationship with God was the priority for both of us and will always be, even a priority over our spouse when we’re married. Many of our core values and beliefs, we found, are the same because of our foundation in the Word and what we know to be true. 

When you find a topic of interest, as you wait for that scheduled, intentional conversation, dig deep into it. Ask God to search your heart and point out anything that He wants you to see. Ask yourself hard questions as you answer. Why do you view this topic like this? Where did it begin? Is that right? What makes it right? What does God say about it in His Word?

Here is a short list of questions to help get you started:

  • What things has God repeatedly taught you throughout your walk with Him?
  • How has your family shaped you into the person you are today?
  • What are some hard times from your past? What makes them hard?
  • What makes you feel most supported during hard times?
  • What are some things that bring you joy in life? 
  • If you have to order from most to least important… what’s the order (Faith, Family, Community, Career, Education)? Why this order?
  • What characteristics do you dream your future spouse has?
  • What are some things about yourself personally, that you are working on right now?

How to Talk About It

When the time has come, start off on the right foot. “How do you do that?” you ask yourself. Fantastic question. Show up on time, show up ready (so do the work that I talked about above), and pray together, asking God to bless the time and make it a fruitful conversation. Whether it’s at their home, over the phone, on a dinner date… it does not matter.

When the other person is talking, listen to them fully. As Paul tells us to “walk” in Ephesians 4:2-3, listen “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Try to understand them and where they are coming from. Love them as they are being vulnerable and thank them for trusting you. Do your best to understand through asking questions. Ask how God has worked in their life through that topic. Ask how they can work to be better at it. Ask how you can help if need be. Be open, honest, real, and create an environment where they feel they can be all those things as well.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching”. Hebrews 10:24-25

Personal

The Beginning of Us

Hey party people, this is Caleb! Today is Kendall and I’s one year anniversary. Because of that, we decided we wanted to share a little bit about how we became us! This is my version. If you’re interested in checking out Kendall’s, click here.

For those of you who do not know already I worked at Glorieta Camps in New Mexico. With camp, summer is the most popular season and Summer staff are often needed. While this was only my first Summer at camp (never even been to camp before) it was Kendall’s second summer there. During the Summer I had the opportunity to work with the Day Camp and Travel Camp with some amazing people. One of those people was Kendall. 

Despite what she may say if you ask her, she is very outgoing and loves to talk. Me. . . not as much. While I was still helping Glorieta get ready for all the different camps that were held there, I helped in the Day Camp one Day (the very first day). That same week, she was helping them as well. As kids slowly began to arrive, she was ready to make them feel welcomed. Talking to many of them as they would kick a soccer ball, asking questions. Around lunch time that day, we both helped kids off a zipline. In between kids she would tell me all about her family, how she came to know God, mission trips she’d been on, and how pumped she was for Travel Camp to start (even tried to scare me a little about travel camp). Little did she know I was thinking about joining Travel Camp and the way she was talking about it, just made me want to join more. . . get me out of my comfort zone.

I ended up joining Travel Camp for most of the summer and it was so much fun. Getting to travel around with a great group of people, doing fun things and teaching kids about Jesus! What could be better than that?! As the summer went on Kendall and I talked more and more. We became friends, then good friends, and feelings started to develop. For the last 2 weeks of Camp, as other summer staff left to go back to school, I returned to help the (very) low-staffed Day Camp. Right before getting back Kendall had told me the way she felt (she was so in love. . . it was crazy. Couldn’t even think straight :P). But I did end up telling her soon after. We kept in touch, obviously, and decided to talk stuff out and be very clear to make sure we want to pursue this relationship. We began that process on July 19, 2019. And that is why we celebrate our anniversary on that day!

It has been one year. Not to brag or anything, but we kinda got everything all figured out. So yeah! No, we definitely don’t and probably never will. Is that even possible? But it has been an amazing year for both of us. We’ve both grown in so many ways together, in our own lives, and in our personal relationships with God. She is my best friend and I can’t wait to continue this journey and see what God’s got in store for us!

Relationship

Our Relationship

Hey guys, it’s Kendall!! Today is our one year anniversary…and we had the idea that we should write and share how we came to be us…

For those of you who do not know already I spent the summer of 2019 at Glorieta camps in New Mexico. That would have been my second year working at that camp. I worked in the same department and had the same bosses, but this year was different. I was able to help in different departments. I love camp!! If you are interested in learning more about that camp life, let me know. Make sure to comment with any questions you might have. 

The thing about Caleb is that he is super shy and does not talk very much at first. When we met I took that as he thought he was better than everybody else since he was part of the full-time staff. He was always gone when we were training or when we were just hanging out and getting to know the people we were gonna be working with. I thought he just didn’t want to get to know us or hang out with us. Of course that just wasn’t the case, he was actually working (lol). I didn’t pay him much attention until I realized that he was actually being shy. We ended up being in the same department most of the summer. I learned very quickly that he does like to talk and sing and be loud (which is my kind of person ;)). We were always together, he quickly became my best friend. He cared for the staff like I did, he cared for the kids like I did, and he worked hard. You are probably thinking by this point that we are basically the same person right?? Well you would be wrong…we are very different, and here’s why.

Caleb sucks at communicating, and he knows it. We would talk about that a lot. I learned that he talks about superficial stuff, but doesn’t talk about deep stuff very much. But he thinks deeply (even though he doesn’t think he does); however I love talking about deep stuff. That is my favorite thing to talk about, I think a lot and just want someone to listen to me and keep up. He had no problem keeping up. He listens very well, and I can tell that what I say will resonate in him, he just wouldn’t share it with me. For a while I thought he just didn’t want to have that sort of friendship with me (which would have been fine). It turns out he was just scared. Once I realized that, I just waited for him. I shared my life with him and my struggles and just waited for him to be ready. I kept trying and gently nudging him until he was ready…he has gotten so much better at telling me how he feels about things. 

Another thing that made us very different was that he was a scaredy cat when it came to just about everything. On tuesdays my boss would take us out and explore the city or just do something for fun after work. One week we were in Lake Havasu Arizona (beautiful place!!), this was my second time going there. In the past when we have gone, we would go cliff jumping!! I went last time, but thought that was enough for me. However, Caleb had not gone cliff jumping there before. I told him he had to. He told me that I had to in order for him to go…so I went. I was also nursing a very small thumb injury at the time (I think I dislocated it) but did it anyway. It took a lot of convincing to get him to actually do it…but he did!! I was so proud of him for doing that. Another time we were going to watch fireworks in Santa Fe with the team, it was a party. There was a live band and so me and my other friends would sing and dance and have a good time. He on the other hand just kind of bopped to the beat until I convinced him to sing and dance until the fireworks started!! Last story I will share.. He can play guitar. He is actually really good at it, I love when he plays for me. He didn’t think he was very good; while we were still at camp another department wanted him to play guitar for the kids and have a worship night. He kept saying no, he didn’t think he would be good enough. I would tell him it doesn’t matter whether you are good or not, it’s not about that, it’s about worshipping the Lord. After another few days of convincing him to do it…he eventually did!! And he was great!! 

One last thing made us very different…he had been a christian his whole life. I have only been a christian for about 5 years now. Despite being raised very differently we still had the same values, but I had never met someone like him. He was honest about who he is and he never tried to be someone else. He has his struggles but he was trustworthy, he was/is a true man chasing after God. I have been in some not so great relationships, pre-Jesus and after coming to know Him. But Caleb…he was different. He has a deep relationship with God and he lives to be more like Him. He has this presence about him, I wasn’t the only one to notice that either. I loved working with him because he was just so at peace with things and he projected that. He was also just so full of light, a light no one could take away even when things were hard the light just never went away. 

Last summer we grew so much, I could tell by the way Caleb carried himself that he was growing in his faith and becoming even more of a man that not only feared the Lord but wanted to live like Jesus. I started falling in love with him…for so many reasons. Most of all because of how much he loves God and chases after Him with everything he has.

Caleb ended up leaving city camp early and so before he left, I told him how I felt about him. I felt God tugging at my heart to be honest with Caleb. He didn’t say anything once I told him (lol); I didn’t need him to. I told him and that was it…the next day he told me how he felt about me…he liked me. I did not want to start something during summer so we made it official sometime near Thanksgiving or something like that. The reason we want to celebrate it now is because God did something in us that day. We had the guts to open up about our feelings and not really knowing how the other person would take it, we had to rely solely on God and His plan. I think that is worth celebrating.