Category: Personal

Fitness

Fitness Goals 2023

INTRO: I have exercised since high school when I was a scrawny little youngin. I enjoyed the idea of pushing myself and had fun doing it. BUT, I didn’t feel like it got me anywhere. It is 2023 officially (as of 2 weeks ago) and I have worked at 3 gyms. That is potentially over 6 years of some form of weight training. I have hit seasons of plateaus, months of no working out, and years of wanting to get bigger but “not being able to eat enough”. This year I am coming in with specific goals and am going to achieve them no matter what!

I want to challenge myself. I want to be a well-rounded dude, healthy in each aspect of my life. I know aspects of wellness and general health can be intertwined and build off of each other. I want to be my best in each area. Mentally, Spiritually, Physically, Relationally, and Emotionally.

“Today I will do what others won’t, so tomorrow I can do what others can’t.”

Jerry Rice

I am about to begin my time as a student teacher and don’t know how I am going to continue but I know I will. Maybe it’s just me but when I picture a teacher, I tend to think of somebody who can be any age, but they look older than they are. They also tend to look unamused or sad in general. Do they have time outside of school, planning, and grading to work on themselves? I think life is too short to not. Right? Maybe this is me projecting my fears of overwhelming stress onto teachers?

The Why

  • General Health
  • Energy
  • Athletic Performance
  • Aesthetics (😏)

With four brothers that are all competitive and a constant desire to be healthy, I have been very blessed with good general health. I am 24 years old now and want to continue to build healthy habits and set myself up for continued healthy life. 

I don’t want to grow up and be lazy (although I do feel that way more often than I’d like to admit). I honestly want to be a highly energetic adult who is always down to clown. Whether that be disc golf or spikeball with friends, a random workout with Kendall, or wrestling my kids one day, I want to be energetic.

I love to mess around with my brothers and friends and want to stay on top of my “game”. I want to have the feeling of being capable of anything. I already WHOOP everybody in whatever I do and I want to keep it that way. On a more serious note, I have never really challenged myself in this way, and think it will be fun.

Lastly… the looks. I’ve always been skinny but eventually got toned. Now is the first time I will seriously try to put on some weight. I know what I want to look like and think it would be an enjoyable project to work on my physical body in this way.

God blessed me with this body and he dwells with me. My body is a temple and is not my own so I strive to take care of it. What better way than exercising, eating well, drinking lots of water, and getting good sleep?!

The How

I am NOT a personal trainer myself. I have not taken courses or anything like that. BUT, I have worked at several gyms. I have had seasons of deep research into the health and fitness world. Many of my friends are personal trainers and I often work out with them. Others around me ask for information or if I can build their workouts.

DIET: My diet will be mostly clean (whole or “healthy” foods, not things like pizza). I am aiming to gain weight so I would have a calorie surplus every day. I will be eating roughly 3,400 calories a day. I could eat a little less.. But I want to be sure to gain weight. This number is also set so if I miscalculate the amount I consume, I should still be in a surplus. I will also be drinking lots of water. That should always be the case. I will add a list of foods to eat at a later date.

EXERCISE: My workouts will change month to month and sometimes vary a little each week. I will be doing weight training 3-4 days a week and more endurance-based, fun exercises 2-3 times a week. This could be CrossFit WODs, swimming, sports, etc. This will help burn some fat from all the food as well as make the process more enjoyable. Gotta have time to play! I will add the workouts in this blog at a later date.

REST: I tend to be an early bird. I have no issues going to bed early and waking up early. Muscle growth is stimulated when you workout, fueled when you eat, and happens when you sleep! I typically get 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Mentally I believe I thrive off of 7.

Progress Pics

There are a lot of ways to track your progress. I personally enjoy looking at other people’s progress pics. Seeing the physical difference can make people sooo so proud. I will track my weight weekly but am also going to be doing progress pics. Please be respectful, I am trying! Some of these early pictures are crazy to me even now. I am already much further than I used to be and excited to see what is to come.

2018 /// All about 130-135lbs
2020 /// ~140 lbs
January 2023 /// 140 lbs
2023 GOAL /// 150lbs 8% body fat by June —> 160lbs 8%body fat by December

Work In Progress

I am excited to see what will happen this year. Excited. To challenge myself in this way. I do know some stuff about fitness but not everything so if you have any tips, words of wisdom, or encouragement, feel free to send them my way!

Sincerely,

Caleb 🙂

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The Lucky One

  • by Caleb U

If you keep up on our blog posts, I hope you feel like you have a glimpse into Kendall and I’s lives. I know she loves writing. As she writes more and more, not only do they get better, but you can also see her heart behind her words. You get a glimpse into what is happening in our lives at that moment, not just a topic we wanted to study.

I get the honor of reading and helping Kendall edit some of her posts before they are officially published, and I am amazed. If this blog is nothing more than a journal for us, it’s important to note: I am the lucky one.

We started out at a distance, finally made it to the same place, are now preparing for a wedding and life together. We are learning what the “real world” looks like (as all the old folks say). We are setting out to become our own. We have so many questions and try to spend a large chunk of time figuring out what is right or best for us. From insurance and phone carriers to what state do we live in and how much should we spend on rent.

I am The Lucky One. As we work to discover what God has for us, I am continually amazed by Kendall. She knows exactly what I need to hear and how to break things down for me. Life can seem overwhelming with all of these ideas weighing us down, where do we even begin. How do we figure all this out but also try and slow down (Like we talk about in this post)? Kendall has a way to slow the world down and make it feel like it doesn’t all need to be figured out.

I am The Lucky One. Kendall is such a hard worker. While we feel inadequate and fearful of life’s expenses, Kendall’s character continues to shine. She decided the best thing she could possibly do was to work 3 weeks straight with no off days… several of those days were over 8 hours long. While this is too much and she needs rest, the heart behind it and her willingness is amazing.

I am The Lucky One. As we create the life that we want to live and define the things that are important to us for the future, we continuously learn. Somehow, someway, Kendall is able to learn about things (things like rest, photography, sustainability, you name it) in a ridiculously quick amount of time. And not just the basics, she dives in and sees what God says, how to practice or do these things, then she lives them out like a total #boss.

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

Proverbs 31: 10 – 12

I am The Lucky One. There are so many reasons I might go into one day. But for now just know this: I made a detailed list of what I want in a wife a while back, and I mean very detailed, and she checks off every box. Not just a little check, but a big, fat, green one.

Thank you Kendall Lexia for choosing to be mine and giving me the honor of being by your side for the rest of life. I love you most.

Mental

Hustle Up… Slow Down

Alright now that you understand all the reflection that has been going on lately I am going to talk about something a little heavy. A little honest, and for sure a lot hard.

So this month Caleb and I went home (to Houston which is where I am from) and visited my family. My niece was turning one so we wanted to be there to celebrate and also be there for my sister as this was a milestone for her and her husband. Was it a stress free, relaxing trip?? In some ways it was for sure. In others, not so much. However it was just what I needed. It was out of the ordinary and I did not have to work at all!! It was hard when I had to say goodbye, but knew I would see some of my family again really soon so left hopeful for the next visit. During this time though Caleb and I felt like decisions had to be made and they had to be made quickly. Important ones, like where are we going to live?? Who is going to be working?? What happens if we get pregnant unexpectedly?? How are we going to be able to afford our life?? etc. All things that felt almost crippling to us. I mean I just finished a season of working nonstop for weeks, I was drowning and feeling empty and knew that this was not the life God wanted for me or for us. I was desperate for a break, and oh did He give me one, but not in the ways that I was expecting.

Once I got back from our trip I felt refreshed. This was not what I was expecting to feel, especially since we had been in the car entirely too long and felt more defeated about all the decisions we still needed to make. But we had absolutely no idea where to begin with these decisions. Over the course of the coming days God had been working on both of our hearts, telling us the very same thing but the other person had no idea. And that was … the importance of slowing down. God showed me as I was reflecting on what sustainability means to me for an upcoming blog post and He showed Caleb through a podcast that he listens too.

For me I was just sitting on my bed thinking about some things I could cut out of my life that I do not need and it just hit me. I cannot seem to remember when I had time to just sit on my bed and think, it was so peaceful and so calming. I felt the Lord’s presence and was comforted, I tear up every time I think of that moment. Why does something so simple and mundane make me so emotional?? Because it reminded me of where I was before that, it reminded me how lonely I felt during those times of working non stop, and how hopeless I felt that I would never reach the goals I set in my life. But in that moment on my bed I felt the Lord telling me that it was okay, this is not the life He has for me. He never meant for me to live this kind of lifestyle especially on my own.. as comforting as it would be to have all the answers for Caleb and I’s future it is not something God wants to reveal to us yet. And that within itself was so freeing, because that lifts up the burdens that we put on ourselves.

Something that I love so much about Caleb is that he likes to dream, and the really cool thing is that I love to dream too!! It does however make things so hard when we are trying to figure out where we are going to live or what our dream jobs are and how we are possibly going to reach our HUGE goals we are setting for ourselves. To make things even more amazing is that we trust God with those big dreams we have for ourselves, I used to keep my dreams to myself because they were just too big. There was no way that any of my dreams would ever come true… however one of them is about to come true!! IN 4 MONTHS I WILL MARRY MY BEST FRIEND!! That within itself has been a dream for as long as I could possibly remember. You cannot possibly tell me that God is too small for the big dreams that you might have. He has proven to me over and over again that He is a BIG God and He can do the impossible. You just have to trust Him.

Nothing has been decided, we still have no idea where we are going to end up, but I am so happy where I am. I am actively slowing down, trying to live a more simple life. In time God will provide us with the answers we need. We just need to trust Him and keep trusting Him. I love you guys and hope you take some time to rest and reflect on where you are and where God might need you to be.

Non-toxic

What does sustainability mean to me ??

Hello everyone, welcome back to the blog!! Today I am going to talk about what sustainability means to me. This is a subject I have been so passionate about, enough that I am actually finishing up my bachelors degree in this field!! I really want to make a difference in the world by educating people and companies on how to live a more sustainable lifestyle and how it will not only benefit the earth itself but benefit our way of life.

A small little tid bit of information that I have learned this semester in school is that we are not just focusing on how it could benefit the earth but also how living a more sustainable life will also benefit our well being. I thought that was interesting, of course my actual degree will be a business degree so I am focused on how sustainability can be used to improve businesses, with any business the goal is to convince the consumer that their product will better your life. I am here to tell you that living a more zero waste lifestyle will for sure benefit your well being. And here is why …

You have to slow down in order to live this sort of lifestyle. There are so many ways you can cut back on things you are doing to be more eco friendly, maybe walk to work, make a lot of things at home, constantly be in a state of reflection, you name it. All of these things help with your quality of life. It also forces you to slow down.

A simpler life, I say that because that is the step I have been pondering a lot lately. I want a simpler life, in the sense of I do not have so many things to keep track of, I have one load of laundry I have to worry about. I do not have to do more than a couple dishes because I am forced to use only a couple since that is all I have. Only go to the store for a couple ingredients because the meals I cook are simple. Being zero waste means you only have what you need. You try not to waste anything. That really cuts back on the things you have.

All of these things matter to me, and the last thing I will mention that is just icing on the cake. How well the staff is paid and taken care of. We live in a world of convenience and want things fast and cheap, but we expect the things we buy to be excellent and luxurious. Unfortunately everything comes with a price, or a consequence. The price we pay for that item means that workers that are being treated unfairly and paid next to nothing. We may not see this first hand because this typically happens in another country, but just because you do not see it does not mean it is not happening. I am thankful that this issue is becoming more well known and more people are doing something about it. I will highlight at some point brands that are taking action because they deserve all the support!! They are doing good things, but in order for this issue to go away we need to speak up more about it and fight for their rights.

These are all things I reflect on in my life with the things I use and how I want to live my life. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this post about what sustainability means to me, but I do not what you to miss that this is my thoughts after thinking for awhile about this topic and doing my research this is the conclusion I got. It is not the same for everyone, if this is something that interests you feel free to reach out and ask more questions. But do not forget to do what is best for you and your lifestyle. Thank you so much for reading and supporting Caleb and I on this journey called life. Hope to see you back here next week!!!

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What makes us different ??

I am going to take a second to explain how this photo makes me feel. Because I am all about being real. When we were becoming friends something that we struggled with is communication. I am someone that communicates my emotions, I will tell you how I feel when I feel it and why I am feeling it. However, Caleb is a bit of a challenge to get to open up. I would talk with him for hours about things that I love and things that I don’t love and about my passions. I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MY PASSIONS!!! And Caleb would just listen to me, he would ask thoughtful questions and cause me to dig deeper into my thoughts and feelings. He was really good at that, however, when it came time for him to share his heart and feelings with me he would shy away. This was so hard for me because it made me think he didn’t want to be close to me. But I did not want to make this about me so I told him ” I am right here, I promise.” I knew he needed to hear that. I was not going to leave him, I was going to wait till he was ready to talk. Now here we are, he talks to me, he shares his deepest thoughts, his dreams (even the weird ones lol) and his heart with me. When I think back on where we started and where we are now, that small time of waiting was so worth what we have now and I would do that all over again 100 times over to get to where we are.

Okay, now to the actual point to this blog post …

As we have been reflecting on our relationship to try and find meaning for this brand it has got me thinking about what makes us different?? Why are we working so hard to create Simply Unland?? What do we want our audience to get from this?? What can we do to contribute to advancing the Kingdom of God?? All valid questions that do not all have answers yet. But thought I would give answers to the questions we have figured out.

Let’s start with the silly things that you guys may not know about our relationship. For starters Caleb’s name in my phone is “Shy Little Potato” why might you ask?? He was trying to explain to me that he is really shy and that is the name he gave himself. We both have the same car just different year. We have RAV4’s that are red that we have named Ruby, and we love our cars so much lol. We have a couple sayings … “What would I do without you? Probably die or be really homeless” “That’s not buff, thats fluff!!” “when I (Caleb) texts a typo, I only fix it it its an easy to understand typo.” “Sharpest cookie in the tool jar” and lastly … “‘My (Kendall) face hurts’ ‘well its killing me (Caleb)!'” That was the first ever roast Caleb said to me.

Now for some deeper things, since the beginning Caleb and I have been very intentional (get used to seeing that word a lot) with our friendship. We talked about important things like values and what God has for us as individuals, thinking about that now seems so crazy because now we are thinking about what God has for us as a couple. Which is not very different from what He had for us as separate entities. We both heavily expressed our desire for marriage and for our marriage to be a ministry, even way back when we were not seeking out a relationship I felt a strong urge to talk about those subjects. I think I felt I was in a season of growth and really becoming my own person and just wanted to share what I was learning. I still get so excited when God shows something to me and Caleb is the first person I want to tell and we have so much fun talking about it and I feel that much closer to him and that much closer to God. It is such a beautiful thing.

Something we have always valued and have talked about since the beginning is our friends and family. We have so much love and support from them for all the things we are trying to accomplish. When it comes to what is most important to us our friends and family help us try to reach those things and helps us stick to what we say we are going to do. They help us create the marriage we want to create and they will keep us accountable as well. When it comes to Simply Unland we have gotten so much love from everyone that we know God is really pushing for us to keep dreaming and creating and pursuing this platform.

I hope you guys enjoyed this blog post I really enjoyed writing it, not gonna lie it brought tears to my eyes as I wrote this because it was real and raw. Thinking back to where Caleb and I were and how God moved through our relationship is just so beautiful. God is definitely not done with us yet so stick around and join us on our journey through life as we continue to prepare for marriage.

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Giving Meaning to Simply Unland

A recurring habit of Kendall and mine is that we always try to do things perfectly correct. Save money the right way, spend it the right way, act the right way, love the right way. All to try and help others or keep the peace (she’s a 2 on the enneagram and I am a 9). In a broad sense, It can be scary to think “what if we did it the wrong way” or “what if we just jumped and took a chance on something for once, rather than taking carefully measured and calculated steps”. 

While there are times this mindset can hurt us some, there are also times when good things come out of it. Many times it causes us to slow down and think about the purpose behind things we want or do. While there is a fine line between wisely taking time to think and simply taking time because we are so afraid of making the wrong decision (so you don’t make one at all), we try to be intentional. You can read about how we started this relationship intentionally HERE, or how we strive to continually make it intentional HERE. It is a recurring theme in our lives. 

When it comes to our little side project, Simply Unland, we want to do the same thing… be intentional.

Check out our instagram HERE

Why start Simply Unland? 

What are our goals and dreams? Why spend extra time on this? What do we aim to do? Why do we aim to do it? What is our mission?

At first, Kendall and I created Simply Unland for a few reasons. 

  1. Allows our families to stay up to date with us and what’s going on
  2. It gives us a chance to be creative in our own lives, sharing what we learn to one day look back and see how God has been at work
  3. Allow other people to learn from us and our experiences, make them feel not alone in whatever they are going through. 

As this little journey we are calling “Simply Unland” continues, we are doing what we do. We are taking some time to make sure we have the right heart behind it. Taking time to define our why and what. Then digging deeper into that. We want to search our hearts to make sure this is something we want to do. We want to do it for the same reasons above, but especially to reflect our values. We want to have a heart to share so even when/if nobody ever looks at our stuff, we still have a reason of our own to keep going. This seems all too easy for Kendall (probably because she’s a total boss at everything she does), but for me is taking time. Time, prayer, and an open heart, asking God what His will is. We know He has a plan for us and we want to be so open and ready for whatever that plan is. 

While it would be nice if someday, we made some sort of revenue stream from the little side projects we do, we don’t need that. We have our hearts set on seeking what God has for us and simply sharing our thoughts and selves.

We originally planned on sharing our step by step process and conclusions this week but really wanted to intentionally take our time (gotta stick to our theme here ;)). In an upcoming post, we will discuss our priorities, values, beliefs, purpose, and mission of Simply Unland (and Kendall and I). Make sure you check back soon!

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Strands

This week I was going to write about pride because it is something I struggle with but as I lay in bed I realize that God is telling me something else that I should write about. For the last couple of months I have really been trying to dive deep into what God has for my future marriage. What is going to be our mission as a couple and what can we do now to prepare for that mission. And something He spoke to me was strands binding us together. I will explain in more detail what that means in a second but first here is a quote that I got from a book I was reading.

If one of us likes anything there must be something to like in it – and the other one must find it … that way we shall create a thousand strands, great and small, that will link us together, then we shall be so close that it would be impossible, unthinkable – for either of us to suppose that we could ever recreate such closeness with anyone else, and our trust in each other will not only be based on love and loyalty but on the fact of a thousand sharings – a thousand strands twisted into something unbreakable.

A love letter life

A little disclaimer the book I read this from pulled this quote from another book but I do not remember what that book was called.

When I read this I was blown away because I want that kind of closeness with my husband and I want that kind of loyalty but what does that look like in my relationship and how can we get so close that we have a thousand strands binding us together? A couple of things came to mind . . .

Intentionality

Being intentional with each other can go a very long way. Both Caleb and I are so busy with work, school, and trying to be healthy that we get into routines and forget to love on each other and be spontaneous and pursue each other. Finding ways to love the other person in the ways they feel most love will help stay connected. Some examples, Caleb LOVES the Star Wars movies and I do not like them, but finding time to sit and watch that with him will mean a couple things. One, it would be relaxing and two, it will make him feel loved because I dedicated two-ish hours to watching a movie I would not have typically watched. Here is the thing though, I can’t just watch it, I know there must be something to like about it, and I have got to find it. That is binding a strand together. While I may not be as passionate about some things, that does not mean I should just accept it as a difference. I should be willing and excited to find something in it to be closer to him.

Change

Be willing to change and grow within the relationship. We are to become one in every way possible, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically we are going to be one being. In order to do that we have to be willing to change and grow in our relationship. Not in a bad way though, when you are with someone you should want to become a better person for them, because they just bring that out in you. We can always do better, be better, we are not perfect. However, as we are learning to become one there are things that can help us twist those strands together. That might be playing baseball together because Caleb loves baseball, or reading a book together because I love to read. Or a common ground we have is health and wellness, but going deeper and create our own workouts together. Allow the other person to change you a little bit. Allow God to work in you and learn to love well.

This is a little tidbit into what my brain has been processing lately, please let me know in the comments some things you could do that you might not want to do for your spouse so you can create a rope of a thousand strands together. `

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Our Progress

In this post I will just give an update on Caleb and I’s relationship. We have been in the same living quarters for a little over 2 months now. It seems like it has been way longer than that but also it seems like it hasn’t. If you are just now discovering our journey here I will give you a quick summary of our relationship . . .

Caleb and I have been together a year and a half or maybe a little longer than that. We did long distance for the majority of our relationship then got engaged November of last year. After that we decided that once we got married we would put down some roots in Indiana (where he is from) so I decided to move to Indiana and live with him and his family.

Now it has been two ish months and to be honest it has been a little bumpy. We are both creatures of habit and love routine. When I moved here I had to learn to adjust to his family while also creating my own routine. His family has been amazing and patient with me as I learn how everyone’s schedule works and how I will fit into all of that. I got a job and then less than a month later got another job and then a week or so later I started school. My schedule kept changing and I was having a hard time adjusting let alone find time for Caleb and I’s relationship so our communication suffered and our intentional time was almost nonexistent which made the process even harder for me because I felt alone and didn’t know how to communicate to Caleb what I needed because I didn’t have time to figure that out for myself.

Then family came into town and I was not prepared, I was so busy trying to adjust, and time just got away from me and suddenly they were here. Caleb was such a champ in helping me figure out how I was going to move my schedule around so I had more time with them. Of course it was not perfect (will share my family’s visit in next blog) But God knew what He was doing and we all had such a good time. It was very exhausting but I was able to see Caleb in a new light. He was so patient with me and encouraging and helped me in so many ways, he was there with my family when I had to work, he helped me with work and hanging out with my family. God revealed some things to me about him that I had not seen in a while and it was exciting and I felt very close to him. We may not have had time to spend a lot of intentional time just the two of us but I feel very close to him and enjoyed seeing him with my family.

I think it took all the chaos for God to show me that He is still working in our relationship, that we are not perfect but we are making it work. God is preparing us for marriage right now, I have been so worried that we won’t ever have time for us but when it really counts I know that Caleb would drop everything to help me, he will go above and beyond to make sure I felt safe and felt good about myself. I would not be able to juggle all this work and school without him. I mean I probably could but God put Caleb in my life so I would not have to do it all alone.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Ephesians 4:2

As we are both going through a season of adjusting and growing together it is important that we focus on being gentle and patient because as brothers and sisters of Christ we should treat each other as such. The more we are patient with each other the easier it will be for us to communicate what we need from the other person. We also have to realize that we are both transitioning and we show that differently, so we should be gentle and understanding that we need time to figure things out. The last thing is to be humble in the fact that we are both uncomfortable in a way. This is new for both of us and we have to relearn each other, learn our habits, learn our boundaries, and really just learn how to live life together and that just takes time.

During our time with my family we were more willing to show each other gentleness, patience, and also be humbled by the other person because we were out of our normal routine and we both had to go with the flow (which is something I have a hard time doing). Caleb was a champion on this trip and I was able to rely on him and that was very humbling because I do not have to do things on my own in fact God calls us to do things together. “Bear with one another in love” we are to go through things together and “bear” it together. That was the missing component I feel like, we were both trying to do things alone.

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God’s Promise

I have been staring at an empty document trying to come up with something to write about for two months I feel like. I have too many ideas when I am away from the computer then forget when I finally sit down and dedicate time to writing. Then I think I have nothing to offer but God has been sharing so much with me during this season of life and I decided that I am going to share that with you.

I have been reading Genesis for awhile now and something that stands out is how time and time again God is faithful and keeps His promises. Despite our lack of faith and despite the fact that we want things to happen like now. Abraham wanted to have children but Sarah was barren . . God said that Abraham will be the father of nations, but Abraham did not believe so he went and had a baby with Sarah’s servant Haggar, fast forward a couple chapters . . now Abraham and Sarah have a kid and he has been blessed by God, and Haggai and her son had to flee (fact check that). 

When we don’t trust God other people may get hurt. That hits a little too close to home for me. I don’t think I ever trusted God when it came to my love life. I knew that God put the desires to be married and have a family in my heart. I knew that that was Him promising me that I will be married and we will make our marriage a ministry and my husband would have the same values as me. However, I had no faith that that man even existed. So I took things into my own hands, I ended up hurting people and compromised too much of myself for people God never wanted me to be with to begin with. That ended up hurting me in ways that I will never forget but I hurt those people because I did not trust God’s plan for my life. Because of Abraham and Sarah’s decision Haggar’s life was forever changed, God still redeemed that situation and spoke to Haggar and He helped keep her and her son alive in the desert. As for my story . . .

Over and over again I did not trust God and ended up with the wrong men (what I mean by that is that they were not meant for me and I them). I even believe God spoke to me about walking away from relationships but I was too scared to be alone for the rest of my life. I started to believe that I did not deserve the man God had me dreaming about. I didn’t listen to Him and that ended up making the breakups even harder than they needed to be. Me feeling more rejected or more disappointed and also wasting so much time because that meant I would have to start over again. Build up another relationship and work that much harder to find the one. If only I had listened to God then maybe I would have met Caleb sooner . . . If I had listened to God sooner than maybe I would have avoided hurting more people or suffering myself . . if only . . God is bigger than my “what if”s He is so much bigger than that. I am so lucky to have such a Mighty God on my side. He turns sorrow and pain into redemption. I believe that with my whole heart, my story is not done yet and neither are those men.

Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised, Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him.

Genesis 21:1-2

I am engaged to a man who shares so many of the same values as me, he wants the same future as me. We are both passionate about marriage and want to strive to be living representations of Christ’s love for the church and the church’s submission to Christ. We are not perfect by all means but God promised me a man that was so passionate about marriage, He promised me a man that loved family and so many other things . . and boy did He deliver. Was it all that I expected, no I could not have thought all this up in my wildest dreams. When I met Caleb I was not ready for another relationship, I wanted so much for that summer at Glorieta (If you do not know how we met, click here ). But definitely not another relationship, however God had other plans. Sounds kind of like Abraham and Sarah, they did not think that God would provide them with a son who would one day rule nations at their old age!! They were hopeless, she was well passed the age to have the patience to raise a child much less give birth to a baby!! But God provided, He kept His word and Isaac ended up ruling nations. Do not worry friends, God is not done with you yet and do not lose hope that God had forgotten what He has promised you. I assure you He has not forgotten.

Personal

Intentional Conversations for Dating Christians

Kendall and I have a different story than a lot of people. Up to about 1 month ago, it has been a story full of text messages, facetimes, and intentional conversations. We knew our situation and understood it was going to be difficult, but wanted to do our best to make our time apart valuable. That’s where intentionality came in. Not just intentional with the time we tried to give each other, but also the topics of our conversations.

Defining: Intentional Conversation

Because Intentional conversations are… intentional, we wanted to give it an intentional meaning. These discussions are done on purpose and for a purpose. That means although we talked just about every night, we would set time aside later in the week to talk about a specific topic. Setting up a time and day later that same week was intentional and helpful for a few reasons. 

  1. It allowed us to pray and practice Psalm 139:23-24 which says, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
  2. It allowed us time to question and search ourselves
  3. It allowed us to do research so we can grow in our knowledge

When we came back together to have this conversation, we aimed to be honest with God, with ourselves, and with each other. Being transparent for success in the relationship. This would shed some light on how compatible we were. As more and more topics were discussed, we knew each other more and more. While we did have that initial attraction, we didn’t want to mess around. We dove into these conversations pretty quick to make sure this was even something that would work for a lifetime. It was during these talks we grew deeper and realized just about all of our core values were the same or very similar. 

What to Talk About

Conversations about values, goals, dreams were paramount in the early days of our relationship, even before we were “official”. Then taking these topics and breaking them down to why we have these views. 

In Kendall and I’s situation, these conversations included topics such as our relationship with God, family dynamics (present and dreams for the future), importance of community, schooling, future careers, the type of life we want to live. Our relationship with God was the priority for both of us and will always be, even a priority over our spouse when we’re married. Many of our core values and beliefs, we found, are the same because of our foundation in the Word and what we know to be true. 

When you find a topic of interest, as you wait for that scheduled, intentional conversation, dig deep into it. Ask God to search your heart and point out anything that He wants you to see. Ask yourself hard questions as you answer. Why do you view this topic like this? Where did it begin? Is that right? What makes it right? What does God say about it in His Word?

Here is a short list of questions to help get you started:

  • What things has God repeatedly taught you throughout your walk with Him?
  • How has your family shaped you into the person you are today?
  • What are some hard times from your past? What makes them hard?
  • What makes you feel most supported during hard times?
  • What are some things that bring you joy in life? 
  • If you have to order from most to least important… what’s the order (Faith, Family, Community, Career, Education)? Why this order?
  • What characteristics do you dream your future spouse has?
  • What are some things about yourself personally, that you are working on right now?

How to Talk About It

When the time has come, start off on the right foot. “How do you do that?” you ask yourself. Fantastic question. Show up on time, show up ready (so do the work that I talked about above), and pray together, asking God to bless the time and make it a fruitful conversation. Whether it’s at their home, over the phone, on a dinner date… it does not matter.

When the other person is talking, listen to them fully. As Paul tells us to “walk” in Ephesians 4:2-3, listen “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Try to understand them and where they are coming from. Love them as they are being vulnerable and thank them for trusting you. Do your best to understand through asking questions. Ask how God has worked in their life through that topic. Ask how they can work to be better at it. Ask how you can help if need be. Be open, honest, real, and create an environment where they feel they can be all those things as well.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching”. Hebrews 10:24-25