Mental
Hustle Up… Slow Down
Alright now that you understand all the reflection that has been going on lately I am going to talk about something a little heavy. A little honest, and for sure a lot hard.
So this month Caleb and I went home (to Houston which is where I am from) and visited my family. My niece was turning one so we wanted to be there to celebrate and also be there for my sister as this was a milestone for her and her husband. Was it a stress free, relaxing trip?? In some ways it was for sure. In others, not so much. However it was just what I needed. It was out of the ordinary and I did not have to work at all!! It was hard when I had to say goodbye, but knew I would see some of my family again really soon so left hopeful for the next visit. During this time though Caleb and I felt like decisions had to be made and they had to be made quickly. Important ones, like where are we going to live?? Who is going to be working?? What happens if we get pregnant unexpectedly?? How are we going to be able to afford our life?? etc. All things that felt almost crippling to us. I mean I just finished a season of working nonstop for weeks, I was drowning and feeling empty and knew that this was not the life God wanted for me or for us. I was desperate for a break, and oh did He give me one, but not in the ways that I was expecting.
Once I got back from our trip I felt refreshed. This was not what I was expecting to feel, especially since we had been in the car entirely too long and felt more defeated about all the decisions we still needed to make. But we had absolutely no idea where to begin with these decisions. Over the course of the coming days God had been working on both of our hearts, telling us the very same thing but the other person had no idea. And that was … the importance of slowing down. God showed me as I was reflecting on what sustainability means to me for an upcoming blog post and He showed Caleb through a podcast that he listens too.
For me I was just sitting on my bed thinking about some things I could cut out of my life that I do not need and it just hit me. I cannot seem to remember when I had time to just sit on my bed and think, it was so peaceful and so calming. I felt the Lord’s presence and was comforted, I tear up every time I think of that moment. Why does something so simple and mundane make me so emotional?? Because it reminded me of where I was before that, it reminded me how lonely I felt during those times of working non stop, and how hopeless I felt that I would never reach the goals I set in my life. But in that moment on my bed I felt the Lord telling me that it was okay, this is not the life He has for me. He never meant for me to live this kind of lifestyle especially on my own.. as comforting as it would be to have all the answers for Caleb and I’s future it is not something God wants to reveal to us yet. And that within itself was so freeing, because that lifts up the burdens that we put on ourselves.
Something that I love so much about Caleb is that he likes to dream, and the really cool thing is that I love to dream too!! It does however make things so hard when we are trying to figure out where we are going to live or what our dream jobs are and how we are possibly going to reach our HUGE goals we are setting for ourselves. To make things even more amazing is that we trust God with those big dreams we have for ourselves, I used to keep my dreams to myself because they were just too big. There was no way that any of my dreams would ever come true… however one of them is about to come true!! IN 4 MONTHS I WILL MARRY MY BEST FRIEND!! That within itself has been a dream for as long as I could possibly remember. You cannot possibly tell me that God is too small for the big dreams that you might have. He has proven to me over and over again that He is a BIG God and He can do the impossible. You just have to trust Him.
Nothing has been decided, we still have no idea where we are going to end up, but I am so happy where I am. I am actively slowing down, trying to live a more simple life. In time God will provide us with the answers we need. We just need to trust Him and keep trusting Him. I love you guys and hope you take some time to rest and reflect on where you are and where God might need you to be.