Tag: Christian Dating

Religion

Are You Patient

As Christians, a priority in our lives should be having a life full of love. From loving our spouse to loving our enemies, we have been commanded to love. But what is love really? How can we truly know when everybody seems to have their own ways of showing it or defining it? The Bible is the greatest love story ever told. By looking in the Word, there is clear insight to the idea of love. God is love and has given us a perfect example of what love looks like through His son Jesus! If we make up our own definitions of “Love”, we are also making up our own version of who God is. That is obviously not right. Taking a look at 1 Corinthians, the characteristics of love are actually spelled out for us! 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

The Virtue of Patience

Could you define the word “Patient” if I asked you, without giving an example? In today’s world, the word “Patient” is an adjective (meaning it describes something). It is defined as “able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious”. However… that is what the world tells us today, but not what the Bible says about love and not in that time. In 1 Corinthians 13:4, the word “Patient” is a verb (an action word, a call to action). The Greek word for “Patient” here is “makrothumeó” and it means both “to persevere, to be patient”. To me, this is intriguing for a couple reasons.

  1. To be patient and persevere in our patience is a call to action (rather than just a description of who we should be)
  2. When we define Love with 1 Corinthians, Love is both patient (verse 4) and it perseveres (verse 8). Defining Patient in this verse’s context means the exact same thing. When we are practicing patience, we are loving and practicing love. 

Are you Patient? When the lines at the grocery store are long. When you were ready to go 20 minutes ago but are still waiting on your loved ones. When you are doing the dishes but people keep bringing you more. When the light turns green but the person in front of you is on their phone. When that child screams nonstop for no apparent reason. When you want something to change about your significant other but no matter what, they just don’t change.

If love is Patient but we are not, how could we possibly love to the best of our abilities?

Love “always perseveres” and love “is Patient”. While the scenarios above might test our patience at times, it is something we can always work on and strive to persevere in. 

How to Gain Patience

  1. Keep in Step with Spirit 

Before Jesus was arrested and taken to Golgotha to hang on a cross for our sins, Jesus and his disciples shared the Last Supper. Here, Jesus told his disciples he is going to send an advocate to be with us… the Holy Spirit (John 14). Just before Jesus’ ascension (after his death and resurrection) the disciples received the Holy Spirit. Shortly after that event, at the Pentecost, all believers received the Holy Spirit. To this day, we still have the Holy Spirit with us to comfort, encourage, advocate, and help!  If we walk with the Spirit and “keep in step” (Galatians 5) we learn to bear the fruit of the spirit. One of these fruits is Patience. As we keep in step and learn to live more like Jesus, we become more like him.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience…” Galatians 5:22. 

  1. Find Joy In The Wait

While we wait patiently, it can be helpful if the waiting period seems to have a purpose. Whether you are waiting for the car in front of you to start driving or you’re waiting to hear back from the doctor. Work your wait. In all circumstances, seek out an opportunity to learn and grow in your wisdom and your relationship with God. In all circumstances, He has already saved you because His love for you is so great. He loves hearing from you, why not pray and spend that time with Him. Do something beneficial while you wait and find joy in the God that is willing to die for you. 

“The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him” Lamentations 3:25

  1. Look to the Son

We have been given an advocate through the Holy Spirit, yes. We also have a 66 book love letter (the Bible) that is an example to us. God sent us His son, Jesus, and we have records of how to love and how to be patient because of His Example. With crowds following Jesus everywhere he went and disciples that seem to never learn or understand, Jesus is clearly a professional at patience. Much like keeping in step with the Spirit, spend time in the Word learning. How can you be more like Jesus today? How can you be more patient today?

“The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you,  not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance” 2 Peter 3:9

Personal

Intentional Conversations for Dating Christians

Kendall and I have a different story than a lot of people. Up to about 1 month ago, it has been a story full of text messages, facetimes, and intentional conversations. We knew our situation and understood it was going to be difficult, but wanted to do our best to make our time apart valuable. That’s where intentionality came in. Not just intentional with the time we tried to give each other, but also the topics of our conversations.

Defining: Intentional Conversation

Because Intentional conversations are… intentional, we wanted to give it an intentional meaning. These discussions are done on purpose and for a purpose. That means although we talked just about every night, we would set time aside later in the week to talk about a specific topic. Setting up a time and day later that same week was intentional and helpful for a few reasons. 

  1. It allowed us to pray and practice Psalm 139:23-24 which says, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
  2. It allowed us time to question and search ourselves
  3. It allowed us to do research so we can grow in our knowledge

When we came back together to have this conversation, we aimed to be honest with God, with ourselves, and with each other. Being transparent for success in the relationship. This would shed some light on how compatible we were. As more and more topics were discussed, we knew each other more and more. While we did have that initial attraction, we didn’t want to mess around. We dove into these conversations pretty quick to make sure this was even something that would work for a lifetime. It was during these talks we grew deeper and realized just about all of our core values were the same or very similar. 

What to Talk About

Conversations about values, goals, dreams were paramount in the early days of our relationship, even before we were “official”. Then taking these topics and breaking them down to why we have these views. 

In Kendall and I’s situation, these conversations included topics such as our relationship with God, family dynamics (present and dreams for the future), importance of community, schooling, future careers, the type of life we want to live. Our relationship with God was the priority for both of us and will always be, even a priority over our spouse when we’re married. Many of our core values and beliefs, we found, are the same because of our foundation in the Word and what we know to be true. 

When you find a topic of interest, as you wait for that scheduled, intentional conversation, dig deep into it. Ask God to search your heart and point out anything that He wants you to see. Ask yourself hard questions as you answer. Why do you view this topic like this? Where did it begin? Is that right? What makes it right? What does God say about it in His Word?

Here is a short list of questions to help get you started:

  • What things has God repeatedly taught you throughout your walk with Him?
  • How has your family shaped you into the person you are today?
  • What are some hard times from your past? What makes them hard?
  • What makes you feel most supported during hard times?
  • What are some things that bring you joy in life? 
  • If you have to order from most to least important… what’s the order (Faith, Family, Community, Career, Education)? Why this order?
  • What characteristics do you dream your future spouse has?
  • What are some things about yourself personally, that you are working on right now?

How to Talk About It

When the time has come, start off on the right foot. “How do you do that?” you ask yourself. Fantastic question. Show up on time, show up ready (so do the work that I talked about above), and pray together, asking God to bless the time and make it a fruitful conversation. Whether it’s at their home, over the phone, on a dinner date… it does not matter.

When the other person is talking, listen to them fully. As Paul tells us to “walk” in Ephesians 4:2-3, listen “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Try to understand them and where they are coming from. Love them as they are being vulnerable and thank them for trusting you. Do your best to understand through asking questions. Ask how God has worked in their life through that topic. Ask how they can work to be better at it. Ask how you can help if need be. Be open, honest, real, and create an environment where they feel they can be all those things as well.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching”. Hebrews 10:24-25